THIS CRAZY FATHER LOVE
The other day we saw an empty plastic bottle flying out of the window of a stylish old Datsun Celica. I almost overtook and stopped the driver to make him pick up his litter... and only the joint effort of my wife and my kids stopped me from tenderising his face and stomping him into a pothole.
Nah, relax, dear reader. I just flinched because I can control my anger much better now. But I am pretty sure the other guy had an ongoing and deep father issue like me. I know, because chucking out innocent packaging onto a busy intersection was certainly not the only evil he was tempted to do.
Yes, the world is falling apart. The reasons for this are many, but one of them beats them all: The lack of good fathers.
Look around you and you'll see what I see- a lot of very good and brave mothers who know how to fight and claw and poke and bite their way to give their kids a decent home and life. But where are the men fighting for their families? Where were the father and the male friends when we helped a desperate mother of four to move recently? Where are the dads and husbands in the local maternity ward filled with the miserable women, looking lost and abandoned? Most of them walk home alone after birth with their new babies on their backs.
Looking back in history, I guess never has mankind been so deprived of good fathers and father figures. And we can't even blame war for that.
But what is a good father? What does he taste, sound and feel like? I can tell you in detail how it is WITHOUT a good father. In my case my real (and good) father was absent; my stepfather an angry and childish alcoholic. My mother had to flee one night with my baby sisters, to never come back. I think she never trusted a man again.
That’s nothing unusual nowadays. And even 10 years ago, when I regularly took my kids to the playground in Berlin, I was alone among single mothers, most of them hysterical, brave or chain smoking and bitter, or proud and pale, or shrieking. Or all together.
Where were all the fathers? Well back then they were still hanging out in bars from the previous night, or working overtime in very important jobs. Many were choosing to be with younger and childless girlfriends, were planning to pay for their holidays with insurance fraud, and were checking in random mirrors how their new suits, t-shirts or sneakers fitted their cavish and commitment free lifestyle. It’s no different today. Most men are just too scared to lead a family. And that sometimes includes me.
Yes, take me as a perfect example for a man, 44 years-old, married with two kids, who had until recently not the slightest clue what a good father is. And who for that reason had no clue either who God the Good Father is. Not only did I grow up thinking a family of five is very big - I had no clue that a real and caring family like in some traditional cultures today is not under 30 relatives strong. I even envied kids of divorced parents because they got so much more for Christmas, Easter AND their birthdays. Raised by a tough, hard working mother, I started from early on to tell everyone how little I needed a father, and how absolutely overrated fathers are. Very little did I later experience solid friendship with other men. Not to mention that I was an Atheist before I even started school. Christian faith just didn't make sense at all.
Women were, and still are, for me heroes of this life's struggle. And to tell you the truth, hardly any man would cope with what they have to carry as burdens. And yet, growing-up without dad, there was in me a constant pain, a wound never healed: the lack of a mentor, father, guide and God. A pain I always hid. No father, no cry.
But why the obvious in my story? Why the so often stated lack of fatherhood in our modern world? You know how Don Miller wrote about this dilemma in "Owning a Dragon" and that he started a nation-wide mentoring program, suported by Obama. You probably know how pastor Driscoll tackles this father/son challenge spiritually and practically, and with him a new generation of church leaders. You also might know why lack of fathers is so destructive. An overwhelmingly high percentage of male prison inmates today grew up fatherless. And men with no fathers most likely cause all the havoc the world suffers from: drugs, rape, organised crime, robbery, fraud, violence, war, hedgefunds, pollution, rotten jokes and racism.
So what's new to this?
Well, there is something and you better hold on to your chairs, because this is no info snippet and blurb from the world wide web, it is real:
I experienced the Father the other day. Full stop. Take a breath.
Sitting in our garden after praying, listening to the birds while the sun rose quickly on this beautiful African summer day, I suddenly FELT the Father. Bang! Swoosh! Badoumm! No, just like that.
Now take a another deep breath and wipe your ears and eyes clean because this is a true adventure in faith, and it hasn't stopped since: with an incredible joy I felt His presence. His overwhelming peace and deep truth were suddenly real like the rising summer heat and the cool breeze from the river. Yes, the presence of The Father was mighty and invincible, like a giant sitting next to me. And he had not the slightest intention of leaving. Breath in again, hold it, and breathe out. I am still stunned how The Father can be so real and physical.
Yes, I am also talking to you, male web-surfer crawling the matrix for the real stuff, justifying soft porn and hacked software as a cultural freedom, but never being satisfied. Did you catch my drift? Did you understand what I said about the Father? Yes indeed, the God I believe in is here with us and he is digging strong to reach us, cluttered and busy as we are. He seeks us, the fatherless and lost, who have no clue what a good father is. Copy, paste this and send it to your other web-surfing friends. Believe in and experience Him. And if you don't believe that it is possible, take your keyboard, smack yourself on the head and wake up: He is real. He is super-real. And you do not need to be afraid.
A few days after my amazing encounter I prayed with a young man who was in repeated trouble for his violent behaviour. He smoked dagga, swore, had random sex with random girls and had serious anger issues. But when I told him how I recently experienced The Father, he broke down in tears. How he longed for a good father. He dearly wanted this relationship, but all he had was an abusive father and two scriptures tatooed on his underarms. One was from Ezekiel and the other from Nehemia, proclaiming God’s anger and wrath.
We prayed for His grace and mercy and that He might grant this man the supernatural revelation of His Good Presence that heals and calms and gives this incredible satisfaction that is only with Him who created us out of the dust with His own breath.
I have shared my encounter with several men since and every time I could see their surprise - and the painful lack of a real and good father in their lives. Most of them had given up to believe in a Good father because the enemy and man has mocked the father image with silly role models where men are girlish, übercool or simply abusive.
I tell you the truth. My biggest struggle coming to faith was to believe in Jesus Christ. How could God the Father send His only Son to die for us so we are set free? Why would God want to be betrayed, insulted and crucified for us? Why did the Father want us after all this still as family and co-heirs with Christ? What kind of crazy love for us is that? It was too good to be true.
If you had an earthly good father and if you experience this love like the 7 year old Daniel, who was baptised a few days ago by his loving father in the Marine pool, you may find it easier to understand the real goodness of The Father. You are blessed with a privilege you have to share. But if you haven't, you might need a miracle to be able to feel Him like I did.
The miracle happened in our garden recently, I thought, but reading the Word, I realised it happened long ago, or as Paul wrote in Galatians 4.6: "And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, crying, Abba! Father!"
God knew our suffering beforehand. He knew we would spin away from all true fatherhood - and as usual He wants to use it for good. As sad as the lack of good fathers is that made men like me drool in confusion when we heard of Him, the same void in us can be a wide space for Him to dwell. And with no good father as an example to point to Him it has to be supernatural.
You doubt the supernatural? Just look at Jesus Christ. I believe the devil thought he won the battle when the Son was betrayed, ridiculed, hated, whipped, nailed to the cross and dying. The earth wept, the temple curtain was torn apart, and the disciples without hope. Then Jesus rose again, not only as God but also as Son of Man, with feet to walk among us. And with that, God snatched us sons and daughters for ever from the wages of sin. What a crazy move! Surprising everyone. From bitter defeat to ultimate victory. God must have laughed at the devil’s rage that day. 1:0 for Him, and even though the battle goes on, the devil knows he has lost.
My Good Father redeemed me as well. My encounter was so powerful that His presence has not left me since. All I have to say is "Father, Father" and I feel all worries and burdens of my life fading away. Somedays I struggle and on others I am lifted high, but with amazement I realise that He has opened up a new road on my journey, granting me His tangible presence. It changes everything.
Are you still puzzled who He is? He, God, Father and Creator is never tired of us, never closes His door, is never too busy, never deaf to our sorrows and will always fight for us to the last to be with us for eternity. He delights in us as we are and welcomes us home like prodigal sons anytime, always, because he loves us in a way we think is crazy and too good to be true.
And the next time you chuck out some junk from your car window, be not surprised if He smacks you. Gently of course, because He cares. He cares about His creation, but way more and beyond all, He cares about you.
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